Whoever said Life was fair?

I cannot begin to express how angry and betrayed I feel by life and society. My cousin is expecting her second child at the tender age of 19 this August and has, what I feel, “stolen” the name that I chose long before this pregnancy and long before the first.

I feel that I have done “everything right” in that I’m doing things in the “proper” and acceptable order. I graduated high school in the top 11th percentile of my class (stupid band/choir/jocks – it could’ve been the top 10th percentile if I had chosen band, choir or a sport for an elective – more on this at a later date) and I had a job in high school not to mention I paid for my first and second car during this time. I went on to college, I paid for college (though I only went part time but I’d rather do it slowly than be in debt thousands of dollars) and I graduated with a 3.23 GPA, Associate of Arts. I took care of my ill grandfather and held a full-time job. I paid for my health insurance, my car insurance and any other expenses that came my way. Thank God for my good health and His guiding hand at the steering will, too, or I’d really be paying out. I practiced safe sex and even paid for my own birth control pills every single month ($360 a year for 9 years) not to mention that I took them religiously. I found a really great and respectable man, got a great job with the State, married that man and will be attending UALR Spring ’10 to finish with my B.S. in Secondary Education.

I’m ok with the fact that, at one point, this cousin wanted to better herself. She understood that she messed up and did what she thought was the right thing to get back on her feet and take care of her responsibilities. She was enrolled in all the assistant programs so that she and her first born could get medical care and be covered by insurance (she even did this the second time but on her own – no help from Daddy from what I hear), she applied for scholarships in the nursing programs that were offered and was accepted with full tuition paid, she even found a respectable young boy that wanted to not only be with her but be a “daddy” to her daughter. She was on birth control as well but how religiously, who’s to say. Now she’s pregnant with her second child. A boy. I’m thrilled for her if this is what she wants. She was going to move out and marry this boy but decided not move out or marry him (yet) because she wouldn’t get any assistance and would not have full-paid tuition for school.

I’m just pissed at the fact that the one “treasure” I wanted more than anything was to have my own Mason Lee Cornell – a name that meant more to David and me than any other name that we’ve thought about. Mason honoring David’s history and lineage going all the way back to his great-great-great grandfather (and my great-great-great grandfather, too, on the Thompson side) who was a member of the Masons. Lee was a name honoring me, my maiden name – the name that has been passed down for generations and marks the only link I have to my paternal family. Lee honor’s this cousin’s baby daddy in that it honors a tradition of “naming every [first-born] boy” on his side. Mason? “It sounded neat and we fell in love with it.” Do you not realize that you will have a Jason (the uncle) and a Mason (the nephew) in your family??

Some will read this and think I am being catty and/or unfair. Keep in mind that this is my opinion of the situation at hand and I feel that I can freely represent this opinion at my own discretion. I feel that I am more “entitled” or have better “right” to name a child Mason Lee (it sounds ridiculous as I type it but I can’t find other words to better clarify my feelings). But, lucky me, always doing everything the right way and in the correct order, gets beat with the stick again. Ah – thank you Life and all your fairness. Oh wait, was that sarcastic?