Just An Observation

It’s been six weeks since the wedding and I feel so much better. My mood and outlook on life has completely changed for the better. I feel lighter and not so burdened. The only thing, though, is I don’t “feel” married. I know I have a husband and I know that I’m his wife but it just feels so natural. I really love the fact that I’m not snappy with him like I was when planning our big day.

While planning the wedding, I dreaded every second. I was so worried with so many details that it consumed me and my life. I couldn’t enjoy what little time I had with David because all of that time was devoted to organizing and planning this affair. And, on top of that, this wasn’t even for us: it was for the families (well, actually his family). If I could go back in time and have a “re-do,” I would have definitely rethought our options, especially the ones David suggested initially (I’m so hard-headed it’s not even funny). Renting a couple of cabins on the Buffalo River, staying at the lodge at Azalea falls or even pitching a couple of tents at Buckville and then inviting David’s parents and maybe a friend or two of mine would have been perfect. Afterwards, we could have spent the money on our wedding on a really nice dinner for everyone in celebration and thanks for supporting our decision to spend the rest of our lives with each other. It would have been just our style and far less expensive. Even it did cost the same, though, it would have been better on our nerves.

But our wedding is in the past now. I’ve had many compliments on our wedding including how much fun some people had, which is a plus considering that some weddings can be wretchedly boring. This I take pride in. What is done is done and I accept that. It does not matter how May 9th began, proceeded and ended, David and I were married and that’s all that really matters. We can now look forward to our life together and stop worrying about the knick-picking planning that consumed us the months after our engagement.

I am comforted in the fact that our marriage feels so natural. Nothing has changed. My routine is still the same when it comes to commuting back and forth from Little Rock to Hot Springs though at times it is irksome. For example, I sometimes forget to bring/wash a certain shirt that I wanted to wear to work the next day or fret that I forgot my medication at one house. I guess having two of everything is the only solution for now. This is ok because I know that my family needs me and David has been more than helpful in understanding this. He helps where and when he can and for this I am eternally grateful. Leaving home is hard enough but when you have obligations to run two households it can make it even harder. Flexibility and patience is key. When I start school in January, I’m hoping all of this will change for the better. I will have classes in Little Rock but, hopefully, not everyday of the week. I’m also sure that I will be getting home earlier than 5:00 pm. This will help me get chores done and then spend more quality time with my family. Along with this new schedule, I should have more study time available to me and be able to get to bed at a decent time. Right now, I feel rushed wherever I stay. A few more months, though, and I hope this will all change.

I am married but I don’t feel it. I am happy and it shows. I am blessed and this makes the day go easier. I could get used to this.